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A New Bucket List©

December 30, 2009

Several days ago I unearthed an old scrap of paper from my wallet.  I was digging for a 25¢ coupon. (Where do coupons go when you’re looking for them?  It must be the same place socks go from the dryer.)

I never found that wiley money-saver, but I did find a relic from my early twenties:  a “bucket list.”  I remember writing it early into my college years.  It said, “Things To Do Before I Die.” 

First on the list:  Watch Johnny Carson on My Honeymoon.  How sentimental of me.  (The only thing I watched on my honeymoon was the back of my eyelids closing.  We drove between states by day and crashed at night.)

Next up on the list:  Go Fly Fishing in Wyoming.  (Have I ever been an outdoorswoman?)  I must have seen someone casting a reel in one of those sappy commercials that make people cry around the holidays.

Following that up was the best yet:  Be a size 10.  I think I would actually pay money to believe in miracles like that again.  I haven’t been a size 10 since high school.

The list ended with a handful of stand-out goals:  Be an Actress (Hello!  How else do you convince young children in the grocery store that all the cookie companies have gone out of business?), Go to Hawaii (still a worthy dream), and White Water Rafting (only if that white water is contained in a Jacuzzi.)

After I threw the list away, I sat down and composed a new list.  I wanted it to reflect my many years of experience since college (and have goals I could actually accomplish.)  I entitled it, “Things I Will Never Do Again While I Still Have Breath in My Body.”

I started the list with:  I Will Never Try on Another 2-Piece Bathing Suit.  (After 2 kids, a sedentary lifestyle, and dressing room lighting…enough said.) 

Next came:  I Will Never Wear Sandals in the Summer Unless a Team of Professionals Beautify my Feet.  (The nails, the dry skin, the shaving.  I need somebody on retainer!)

After that was, I Won’t Torture Myself with Dumb Food Rules.   (Eating only one bowl of Doritos at a sitting comes to mind.)  

I ended the list with, I Will Never Own a Pair of Short Shorts, a Tube Top, or Anything with Stripes (self-explanatory), I Will Never Take My Kids on Even a Short Car Ride without 2 Days of Supplies, and last, I’ll Never Leave Costco Thinking, “It will be here next time—I’ll buy it then.”

After I finished my updated bucket list, I folded it up and put it in my wallet.  Then I rifled through the newspaper, found a 25¢ coupon, and placed it next to my list.  For good measure.

©2009, Kim Knuth.  All rights reserved.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. rknuth permalink
    December 30, 2009 1:45 pm

    A “Bucket List” sounds like a wonderful idea!
    Thank you for your blog, I enjoy reading your articles.

    Now, because of your honest, candid revelation that at least
    one person has written down an outline of future goals,I am encouraged
    to creat my own list. I have often given thought to future goals, both the “to-do” and the “not-to-do” goals. However, I’ve never been bold enough to actually write them down. I have a hard time finishing ANYTHING! Perhaps, this 2010 shall be the year I write a list. Perhaps a 2011 review of my list will show that I have acheived some goals.

  2. Anna permalink
    December 30, 2009 11:59 pm

    hahaha i think the fly fishing has something to do with a brad pitt movie back in the day.
    i laughed too loud reading this too late at night, thanks!

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